Oxygen Mask (Help yourself before helping others)

Word Pictures was one I first heard from John Maxwell.  

If you’ve ever been on a plane you know before takeoff the flight attendant will give the “safety speech:” about what to do in the event of an emergency, etc. They say: “In the event of an emergency, we may experience a loss of cabin pressure. Your oxygen mask will deploy.  Place the mask on yourself before helping others with theirs.” 

There seems to be two problems with helping others. 

1. Sometimes the people that need help the most are the ones who fight you trying to help them. 

It’s frustrating wanting to help someone who doesn’t want to try, or doesn’t want help.  Just because you can see they need an oxygen mask, if they refuse to let you put it on them then move to the next person. You cannot waste energy on someone who doesn’t want help. 

2. Some people are the opposite: they want help with everything, to the point they don’t try as hard on their own. 

What about helping someone who always wants your help? We all have people close to us that whenever they see you have something, they come around asking for part of it. 

3. I see a lot of gifted, well-intentioned people get burned out at their jobs; whether they’re business owners, volunteers, contractors, counselors, even ministers and parents. No one is immune from burnout! I enjoy helping people, when I can, but I have to take care of myself first or I won’t be any good to anyone, including myself!

There are still good people who are appreciative of the help, and don’t try to take advantage of the situation. 

Remember this: you cannot give what you don’t have. Make sure you have enough air before you start giving your oxygen mask to others.  

I said all of that to give you some background on a very important lesson I learned from Joe, that his dad taught him that will help you do your time and succeed in life. People would come into the Cherek’s shop all freaked out about their car not running right (THEIR PROBLEM). Everyone would try to pressure them into dropping everything to get their car fixed, even if there were five cars in front of them. Sometimes with cars, as you know, you can keep spending and spending and spending to try to figure out what’s wrong, and some cars aren’t worth putting thousands and thousands into. 

The Chereks always were fair and honest with their customers, and would tell them if it wasn’t worth putting money into a vehicle, etc. There were some cars they couldn’t or wouldn’t fix, and they learned to be OK with it.  But they couldn’t live with the stress the customers would try to pile on them, because everyone had a car they were anxious to have running. 

Anyway, this is how they dealt with the craziness. When a customer would come in, and freak out about their car not working and trying to pressure them into pushing their car in front of others in the shop, this is what they would say:

Thank you for bringing us your car, but just so you know, your car is your problem.  I will try my best to help you with your problem but I can’t make your problem my problem. 

It’s okay to help others, but don’t make their problems your problems.

I appreciate your kind heart wanting to help other guys with stuff. I believe, while there, prison is a community, and who doesn’t want to make their community better? It’s tough helping people, because we want to help everyone, but there are always some folks that no matter what you do to help they suck you deeper and deeper into their mess.  They don’t want to change, they just want attention or to suck people into their mess.

Remember the saying “misery loves company?” Some guys have so much pain and turmoil they spread it wherever, and with whoever, they are in contact with. It’s OK to try to help guys, but don’t make their problems your problems. In those cases you’ll do more help praying for them, and being kind when you can, than trying to bear their burden. It’s a tough balancing act because some hurting guys want to change, and you can help them.  God will give you the wisdom to know who are just nasty complainers trying to suck you into their darkness, and who walk the journey with. 

Also, if there are guys being stupid inside, that’s their problem, not yours.