Getting past your felony: 12 ways to build a new future

TO GET OTHER PEOPLE TO BELIEVE IN YOU, YOU MUST BE THE MAN OTHERS CAN BELIEVE IN, REGARDLESS OF WHAT ANYONE MAY THINK, SAY, DO, OR DON’T DO. This requires hard work and different actions by you.

I’m not some “goody two-shoes” trying to tell you to do the right thing because that’s what your Parole Officer, counselor, family, or “the system” wants. I served my time and I’m telling you to do these things for YOU and your future, and to show the people that didn’t believe in you that they were wrong. Doing the right things will, over time, help you win back the people you lost. Its hard work, but I thoroughly believe that if you can survive prison then, brother, you can do anything! 

Some won’t believe in you no matter what you do, but don’t prove them right by repeating the same decisions and actions that got you your time in the first place.  Here’s a reminder of some things you already know: Don’t have the same habits you had. Don’t hang around with people that you know will pull you down or get you back in your old ways. Don’t think the same thoughts about yourself that you did in the past. These things won’t come naturally to you – especially if it’s all you knew. But you, your future, and rebuilding broken relationships are worth the effort. 

I love what’s known as “Einstein’s Definition of Insanity” which states that “doing the same thing thinking it will bring a different result is insane.” Here are twelve practical powerful proven ways to become the person that others can believe in, despite

1. Be sincere about not repeating the decisions and actions that got you incarcerated. Don’t hide your past when it comes up, it part of your past and can help be stronger as you build a new future.  Anyone can check your record online in seconds, so why hide it or be embarrassed by it?  Be sorry for what you did but don’t let yourself be ashamed. The more you try to hide it, or the more shame you carry, the more you choke your ability to succeed.  I don’t parade my felony for others, but I don’t hide it or have shame about it anymore because I know that I am not the same person that I was. I prove that, to myself and others, by my daily actions: big and small, seen and unseen.

2. Do what you say you are going to do, even if it’s not convenient.  I often say this: “I’m sorry I can’t hear what you’re saying, your actions are screaming at me.”  A lot of people are weary of us ex-offenders because we know how to talk a good game, but what everyone wants to see is if we can live what we’re saying. Some people will challenge you, or maybe not accept you.  DON’T LET THAT GET YOU DOWN! Most people are just testing you to see if you have really changed. You won’t earn trust again until you have shown that you will do your best to do what you say you are going to do. 

4. Become a man that is solid and dependable by approaching life like a weight lifter approaches lifting weights. The weight lifter knows the more repetitions he does and the more weight he lifts the stronger he becomes. I say “becomes” because the lifter is aware weight training is a process he must continue to see any progress. If you were like me you have years of past behavior and habits you have to reprogram and replace with new ones, daily. You know what’s right and wrong, so do it, no excuses.  The right ways are always harder, but you’ve already lived the alternative. Don’t you deserve a different life? Make it happen with new thoughts, decisions, and behavior. Don’t be afraid to build a new future.

5. If you lied, or told half-truths, stop! Yes, we all lie, but when we do we lose credibility. Freedom can be lost but I won’t let anyone take my credibility and self-worth again. Telling the whole truth can make you credible again. Usually we lie because we don’t want others to think poorly about us, or we try to avoid a confrontation.  The truth is what we do to avoid telling the truth is usually worse than just dealing with it. 

6.  Read good things.  You don’t have to be a great reader, just read a few minutes at a time until you get better at it with practice. Leaders are readers.  You want a new path in life, and absent of it falling out of the sky, you will have to search for it and walk that new path.  Start by reading things to help you prepare for the future you want to have. Read biographies, self-help books, and good articles.  Read things to reinforce your faith and spirituality. Exercise keeps our bodies in shape. Reading the right things keeps our minds, attitudes, and lives in shape. The first “ASK BOB” segment gave the list of organizations that provide free books for inmates. If you missed that, email info@tap-x.com and ask them to resend you that list. 

7. Stop dwelling in your past; instead, learn from your past. In my book ILLEGAL TO LEGAL: BUSINESS SUCCESS FOR (EX) CRIMINALS I talk about how to do that. You past is like the fuel in a rocket. If unused it weighs you down. If improperly used its dangerous and volatile. If properly used the lessons from your past will propel you to your destiny. People won’t believe in you until you prove that your past is in your past and not in your present.

8. Think about what your strengths and weaknesses are, and find ways to build a future based on your strengths. Can you get a job, or start a business, that uses your strengths or things that you love doing? I talk about that in the book, and I provide free tools for business success at the website www.illegaltolegal.org. 

9. Don’t live just to please yourself – live like you have a great future, because you do if you work hard and create it.  

10. Don’t wait for things to happen, or for perfect conditions. Something will always go wrong, you’ll never have enough money, or someone will let you down.  So what? Don’t let those things stop you. Do whatever you can do to change and prepare for the future you want. 

11.  Be smarter than an infant by trying something new until you succeed. When an infant is learning to walk, which is something new for the baby, it’s smart enough to get up when it falls down.  You will make mistakes along the way, but don’t let your mistakes keep you from building a new future. You’ll never change your life otherwise. 

12.  Sincerely considering the needs of others is the most important way to get others to believe in you and to rebuild broken relationships and build a new future.  Global leadership expert and best-selling author John Maxwell says “the whole world, with one notable exception, is made up of others.”  It’s easier to get along with others when they know you care.  If you can’t get along with people then they won’t go along with you, believe in you, or help you. 

WILL YOU TAKE THE STEPS TO GET PAST YOUR FELONY AND BUILD A NEW FUTURE?